What makes us human... Paranoid

par·a·noi·a

ˌperəˈnoiə/

noun

1. a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance, typically elaborated into an organized system. It may be an aspect of chronic personality disorder, of drug abuse, or of a serious condition such as schizophrenia in which the person loses touch with reality.

   synonyms:

   persecution complex, delusions, obsession, psychosis

     I am creating a series of photos that has to deal with emotions. The ones we feel on a daily basis, every once in a while and if you are lucky enough, ones that only some people experience.  I have suffered from depression, anxiety and panic attacks for years. I am obsessive compulsive and it drives me crazy but I am also a very happy and out going person.  I don't always see the glass being half full but I do sometimes and that's enough for me.  I know many people have it worse than I do and I truly am grateful for what I have.  I suffer from an emptiness of knowing I am not doing more with my life and chasing more dreams but I am also okay with it at the same time. It's a constant pull/battle in my mind.  

     I wanted to put together a series of photos that show a lot of emotions I feel and I'm sure many of you do!   What better way than to do it through art! I love surrealism and wanted to portray some of these photos in that way but also some more realistically.  I hope you enjoy the series. I got the idea when I was thinking about how each emotion is so individual and so complex that it's almost like another person/personality was showing through me during each panic attack or each time I was having trouble with my OCD and even when I was happy with my family or out on an adventure.  Life is tough but these feelings are what makes us human.  We feel so we can empathize or love or cry....

Anyways, I wanted to start with a darker one- I love creepy, dark, strange things and I got this idea when I took a photo of Chance on the couch and saw his shadow behind him.  

This photo is Paranoia.  

I know that I suffered from this in many different ways.  Thinking ex-boyfriends were cheating or that my co-workers may be talking about me... but also with my OCD.  It was like death was coming for me if I touched something that I didn't know what it was (like something spilled on a counter or something sticky on a chart) or that touching a handle on the door was going to make me very sick because of germs.  I work in the medical field which is not great for the type of person I am but it also has made me stronger.  This photos shows a darker side of my mind and how paranoia can really take over ones self.  The dogs are there because they help me get through a lot in life (as does my fiancee but he is out of town).  Enjoy guys! <3

Where the idea came from: 

BEFORE: 

Bear trying to eat the remote for the camera: 

FINAL PHOTO:

Summer Night

I was trying to get back into the mood of taking photos. This one was a little difficult. I only had my backyard which I had to watch for the dogs landmines that I had missed cleaning up and rushing to avoid the storm that was quickly moving in.  I don't know how I feel about this one. Truly. Not the come-back I was looking for but hey. It was a lot of work and overall worth posting. I think some of my favorite things about this shoot was the behind the scenes photos that I caught. 


On a side note- I posted a video under the life tab of our dogs... YEP- we have two now- I don't know if I ever ended up writing about that or not but our second fur baby is little Bear.  I'm not going to write about his adoption in the life tab since we have had him a few months now but FYI we did adopt him at the same place as Chance. ANIMAL FRIENDS! We are very happy to have these two little guys in our lives and they are happy they have one another as well!   Please DON'T SHOP- ADOPT!

 Chance is happy to take photos:

 yep- caught Bear peeing during the test shots...

 and Finally: The BEFORE:

 and THE AFTER!:

Anyways. I'm pretty bummed I haven't kept up with this blog or my photography or anything else for that matter. We bought a house, we are engaged and planning a wedding and we have two fur babies and full time jobs. It just gets hard to do what you love sometimes. MAKE TIME FOR IT THOUGH! It's worth it. Trust me!  I am going to try to go back to school after the wedding as well. Thinking of a different path to take career wise... as always. I have so many things in my head I overwhelm myself sometimes. I'd love to blog more of my photography and my crafts or even my food blog that I started and never really expanded on. I'd love to open my own business.... time to figure my S&*# out and get going on something fun and exciting for me- but for today- I hope you enjoy the photo! 
Thanks for reading this guys! <3

Mothers Day Swimming

Ah! A blog post! I gotta do this more often. I really want to start crafting and writing. I think it would be so good for me but to be honest- a new house, planning a wedding and adopting a second dog has my hands overly full.  I want to blog about so many things and make it an awesome website and get rid of my paid websites (since I'd like to save money) but I really have NO time to do these things.  I did, however, find some time to edit this gem. I hope you enjoy and I will be trying to get my life in order so I can focus on my photography and my blog more in the near future. I miss taking photos.

A Walk in the Park!

So much fun! Nice day in March we all took a walk at River view Park and it was worth bringing the GoPro!

Our Aruba Trip

This was an amazing trip and there would be too much to write about here - I will just post the video and you can see what a great time we did have!

My tattoo!

      So, I just realized after all these months, I never posted my tattoo on here.  I LOVE it and it was done by a very dear friend on mine- Jon!  That makes it all the more special!  I don't have a lot of photos of it right now since it's been a long cold winter and I haven't been wearing any short sleeves.  I almost forget I even have it during this time of year!  I can't wait to wear some short sleeves and ... BATHING SUITS! Spring is here and I can't wait for it to warm up a bit! Anyways. Ha. That's it for this post! <3

Autumn Walk

This was seriously a spur of the moment, I NNEEEEDDD to shoot something creative photo- I really don't think I LOVE how it turned out, but I liked it. It was shot after work, in a bad mood and in a rush since I have a wedding I should be editing. I'm done with weddings. It sucks the life out of me. If I had six months to edit it- fine, but I can't do four weeks while working a full time job. I drive myself nuts. I think I'll just stick to the small stuff for now. Couples shoots, kids shoots and pet shoots. Anyways, I feel my creative juices bubbling up. Halloween is around the bend and I still don't have a costume ready- this is a BIG deal for me, I'm getting a new tattoo on the 18th from my friend that I haven't seen in way too long and am pretty excited about that, I am down officially 27lbs since I started my life change and we are looking for a house after we just got back from Aruba (I'll try to blog about Aruba at some point - next year lol)! My plate is too freaking full...I have a to do list that has been put aside for months and months and a doll I have been working on painting for almost a year now- yes, I said a doll. Everything I LOVE to do is always shoved to the side. This post will be positive- I'm going to vow that after I finish this wedding, I am making myself, FORCING myself to have "me" time for my creative juices. I'm just so full of confusion and I feel lost. I have STILL not found my place in life yet- it's frustrating. I can't wait to get a damn house. I can't wait to get organized and I can't wait to figure me out. Well my tattoo will be of the icelandic compass. It's pretty neat actually-maybe that will help me find my way!

So - back to this post about my photo- I'm starting to blog about life under my photography tab and that's not right ;) hahahaha Here is the before:

and the after:

Seriously ran outside to shoot in five minutes and was back inside- good news though- Chance took a big poop! TMI I know I know- thought it was funny though.

I hope you enjoy it! I may fiddle with it more when I have some time but I just needed to do something creative. With my buddy. My best friend