Just an Update

Just an update.

 I’ve been so busy in my life that I can’t keep a lot of things up to date but I thought I would write just to get some stuff out of my head.   First, Listen to this:

So I’ve been obsessed (to put it lightly) with Twenty One Pilots.  I feel extremely lucky to be able to see them in June when they come. Really, I just can’t wait!  This song- all of their songs- have such MEANING.  Now, this  is just my opinion, but they take the opportunity to say things worth saying.  For example, I listened to the “the weeknd” and one of his lyrics was about … well… I’m not going to type the exact lyrics but it was about sleeping with two women before coming to sleep with the girl he is singing about and expecting her to be okay with “taking it as his pace” since he is tired from the other girls… 

it just grosses me out to even hear it.  (I know, I know… I must sound old fashion at 32 years old).  What is that telling people though! That it’s okay to hear that?! That it’s okay that he just slept with two girls before he comes and sees you!? Screw that!  The song sounds good until you listen to the lyrics!

Music is life to me. It moves me in ways that a lot of things in life cannot.  I have always wished that I could sing or be a better musician.  I do play the guitar and ukulele and know how to read music but I’ve always wished I could be on stage and create songs.  Create albums.  Create something moving.  It is why I started in my field of speech and hearing sciences.  It was to help people hear because,  to be honest, I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have music, if I didn’t have my hearing.  It is a serious life line for me.  The problem is the medical field.  The medical field is what took my longing to help people hear and crush it like a person squishing a spider under a book.   The medical field is something that will crush your soul and can be evil.  I’m in it now and I have to get out and I will. Someday.   

Recently I have had a severe episode of my Meniere’s Disease.

To sum it up: Meniere's disease is a disorder of the inner ear that causes episodes in which you feel as if you're spinning (vertigo), and you have fluctuating hearing loss with a progressive, ultimately permanent loss of hearing, ringing in the ear (tinnitus), and sometimes a feeling of fullness or pressure in your ear. In most cases, Meniere's disease affects only one ear.
Meniere's disease can occur at any age, but it usually starts between the ages of 20 and 50. It's considered a chronic condition, but various treatments can help relieve symptoms and minimize the long-term impact on your life. 

 So. There’s that.  My hearing. The thing that is so very important to me…Life is hard.  I know this.  Sometimes life makes me want to stay in bed. It makes me want to just stop going to work and curl into a ball and hide away until spring arrives.  It makes me loath getting up to go to a job that I don’t have any happy feelings towards… 

BUT

Life is also beautiful too.  Life is full of learning and healing and hearing those songs that will move you.  Life is fresh air and life is creating and making goals.  I have my Family (My Mom, Dad and Sister), I have my Fiancé, my two fur babies… I have a LOT of love in my life and I am one lucky girl!  I have a job and it’s stable.  I’m having a wedding.  I have a home and it’s warm and there is food there.  Life is complicated. Life is hard. Life sucks sometimes.  It’s easy to look at all the negativity (for some reason it’s easier than looking at the positive things in life).  Listen to the song I posted. Listen to the lyrics. Know that even tho life is hard. It’s worth every breath you take. It’s so easy to look at the hard times but look at the good times! Make sure you know what to be thankful for! Remind yourself of what you have instead of what you don’t have. Today’s society puts such pressure on people to look a certain way and to make money and that it will make you happy!  We need to learn to love ourselves (I need to learn this too) and look on the brighter side of things. 

I’m starting P90x3 because I want to be more fit and in shape and work on being happier with myself.  Exercise is good for both the body and brain!  Brian is going to do it with me.  Our wedding is coming up in September and I want to be the best I can be.  I’m going to set goals for myself this year and try to be a more positive person (tho I swear I was born a pessimist). I want to write a novel and I want to learn the ukulele more.  I would like to be in shape and start my own business someday!  I have a few ideas and I hope to get it up and running after our wedding!  Slow but sure!

 By the way- I FINISHED MY BLYTHE DOLL! SHE IS DONE! Customized in all her glory!  I customized a blythe! I don't think I will ever do one again. SO MUCH TIME!

SO- what are your goals? How are you going to think more positively?

I've been ... making things.

I have been doing so many crafts ( I posted some under my Christmas post under the "Life" tab- My blog confuses me sometimes- and I realized I actually didn't put any of it under my craft section.... again, my own blog confuses me.  Someday I will make it better and blog more.... someday...*daydream*)

What I haven't been doing is documenting how to do these crafts.  I have been doing wedding crafts (which I can't post yet) and Christmas gift crafts and Birthday crafts... I really just haven't had a chance to do a how-to post.  I did, however, want to at least show you what I have been making...

 DOG LEASH HOLDERS!

DOG HEAD SILHOUETTES 

....my wedding planning mess....

 Brook's Bunnies for her Christmas Gift!

 Corey and Kristin's Deer Heads!

For my cousin's son and his elephant themed bedroom!

for my other cousin's daughter and her bedroom!

I think I'm going to make a couple's set for us - one for each side - I loved how this looked!

I think he liked it!

 I am thinking of starting a store or selling at craft shows.  I need to do something. I have been sending out my resume like crazy.  I need to get out of where I work currently. It's for the best.... after 8 years... it really is over.  I need to end the relationship with this job.... can't say too much on here though... 

30.

   


     I'm glad to say that at the end of this week, my fiance will join me in the "30's".  I can't believe we are in our 30's.  Where did our 20's go?!  Who have we become? I still don't know.  We are still finding this out and still finding ourselves.  I realize now, that this is okay.  I'm just glad that we are in all of this together.  Life can be rough but I'm excited to start new chapters with him.  My love.  
      Brian and his family really go all out for Birthdays so I decided we were going to film a short (turned out to be a half an hour)video for him and play it on his Birthday so everyone could watch like a movie premiere.  We all talked this over and decided to make it a surprise party and since we will be playing a movie and he loves movies, it will be...MOVIE THEMED!  We told him that it was going to be his granddad's b-day party since his birthday wasn't until the following weekend.  I was so excited! We all were!  His sister Stefanie and her husband, Mike did all the decorating and a lot of the food! We had a nacho and hot dog bar and she even make soft pretzels!  It was so cute- she should be a professional party planner!  Everyone really pitched in and it was SO MUCH FUN!  
      It was also SO HARD TO KEEP IT FROM HIM! Luckily he plays games... a lot. I was able to edit while he played or I stayed up late to edit when he went to bed.  He never caught on!  We all (his family and my family and our friends) video taped ourselves answering questions about Brian, what our favorite memory of him was, what word comes to our minds when we think of him and so on.  IT TURNED OUT SO FREAKING CUTE!  We had a slideshow of all photos at the end of the video and even a blooper reel.  I put in new videos of him kayaking and it was really really special.  Of course, the day of the party- some of the sound didn't work on the video and we couldn't hear some of the answers, which really bummed me out.  I later found out that my point and shoot camera only played through the right speaker when editing the voice and whatever tv we were playing the movie on, didn't have the right speaker working so we lost the voices.  I thought I edited it wrong and I came home and put in the DVD and the back up flash drive and both worked fine!  Oh well- I uploaded it and everyone can watch it whenever they want now!  I really think he got so emotional over it and he will now have this to treasure for a long time!   YAY! 

This was his surprise! : ( I know he doesn't look it, but he was 50 shades of red)

     Before Brian's b-day party, we also celebrated his mom, Linda's b-day!  We went over for dinner and had a really nice time together.  I love that Brian and I are so close to our families.  It is so IMPORTANT to have that in your life!  Well onto the photos now that I have been rambling! 

Stefanie made this sign for the showing!

 Brian and his BFF, Matt!

 SERIOUSLY- LOOK HOW CREATIVE!

Mike

Corey ( who helped a bunch with filming and presenting the show)

Kristin and Stefanie- they both did so much!

Nikki and Matt- our dear friends! They are amazing people! So glad to have them in our lives!

Birthday cake shots! Stef set these up and they were YUM!

Linda made him a b-day cake!

LOVE HIM.

After the showing of his film.  I would post it on here but it is personal.  I hope you understand.

Family!

Family

My favorite one!

 My Polaroid.  I love having these!

Of course, my baby, had to stick him in.  He hasn't been feeling too well after getting over a staph infection that I think came back after antibiotics and steroids.  I just noticed it again today and will be calling the vet in the morning to see when I can get him down there again. I feel so bad.

I had to throw this in there- My hero!  His old Navy photos!  We came across some when I was scanning them in for the video!

Linda's Birthday Earlier this month!

So cute!

I am learning the ukulele! I am learning the song I posted on the top of this post first.  I am half way through!

Here's to 2016!