Just an update.
I’ve been so busy in
my life that I can’t keep a lot of things up to date but I thought I would
write just to get some stuff out of my head.
First, Listen to this:
So I’ve been obsessed (to put it lightly) with Twenty One
Pilots. I feel extremely lucky to be
able to see them in June when they come. Really, I just can’t wait! This song- all of their songs- have such
MEANING. Now, this is just my opinion, but they take the opportunity
to say things worth saying. For example,
I listened to the “the weeknd” and one of his lyrics was about … well… I’m not
going to type the exact lyrics but it was about sleeping with two women before
coming to sleep with the girl he is singing about and expecting her to be okay
with “taking it as his pace” since he is tired from the other girls…
it just grosses me out to even hear it. (I know, I know… I must sound old fashion at
32 years old). What is that telling
people though! That it’s okay to hear that?! That it’s okay that he just slept
with two girls before he comes and sees you!? Screw that! The song sounds good until you listen to the
lyrics!
Music is life to me. It moves me in ways that a lot of
things in life cannot. I have always
wished that I could sing or be a better musician. I do play the guitar and ukulele and know how
to read music but I’ve always wished I could be on stage and create songs. Create albums. Create something moving. It is why I started in my field of speech and
hearing sciences. It was to help people
hear because, to be honest, I don’t know
what I would do if I didn’t have music, if I didn’t have my hearing. It is a serious life line for me. The problem is the medical field. The medical field is what took my longing to
help people hear and crush it like a person squishing a spider under a book. The medical field is something that will
crush your soul and can be evil. I’m in
it now and I have to get out and I will. Someday.
Recently I have had a severe episode of my Meniere’s
Disease.
To sum it up: Meniere's disease is a disorder of the inner ear that causes
episodes in which you feel as if you're spinning (vertigo), and you have
fluctuating hearing loss with a progressive, ultimately permanent loss of
hearing, ringing in the ear (tinnitus), and sometimes a feeling of fullness or
pressure in your ear. In most cases, Meniere's disease affects only one ear.Meniere's disease can occur at any age, but it usually starts between the ages of 20 and 50. It's considered a chronic condition, but various treatments can help relieve symptoms and minimize the long-term impact on your life.
So. There’s that. My hearing. The thing that is so very important to me…Life is hard. I know this. Sometimes life makes me want to stay in bed. It makes me want to just stop going to work and curl into a ball and hide away until spring arrives. It makes me loath getting up to go to a job that I don’t have any happy feelings towards…
BUT
Life is also beautiful too. Life is full of learning and healing and hearing those songs that will move you. Life is fresh air and life is creating and making goals. I have my Family (My Mom, Dad and Sister), I have my Fiancé, my two fur babies… I have a LOT of love in my life and I am one lucky girl! I have a job and it’s stable. I’m having a wedding. I have a home and it’s warm and there is food there. Life is complicated. Life is hard. Life sucks sometimes. It’s easy to look at all the negativity (for some reason it’s easier than looking at the positive things in life). Listen to the song I posted. Listen to the lyrics. Know that even tho life is hard. It’s worth every breath you take. It’s so easy to look at the hard times but look at the good times! Make sure you know what to be thankful for! Remind yourself of what you have instead of what you don’t have. Today’s society puts such pressure on people to look a certain way and to make money and that it will make you happy! We need to learn to love ourselves (I need to learn this too) and look on the brighter side of things.
I’m starting P90x3 because I want to be more fit and in shape and work on being happier with myself. Exercise is good for both the body and brain! Brian is going to do it with me. Our wedding is coming up in September and I want to be the best I can be. I’m going to set goals for myself this year and try to be a more positive person (tho I swear I was born a pessimist). I want to write a novel and I want to learn the ukulele more. I would like to be in shape and start my own business someday! I have a few ideas and I hope to get it up and running after our wedding! Slow but sure!
By the way- I FINISHED MY BLYTHE DOLL! SHE IS DONE! Customized in all her glory! I customized a blythe! I don't think I will ever do one again. SO MUCH TIME!
SO- what are your goals? How are you going to think more positively?
