The Routine
Sometimes...
Sometimes I find myself sitting here, like I do each and every day, in the same spot, for the same amount of hours looking out the same window and I feel panic. Absolute panic. I become short of breath and even dizzy. It's like a wave washing over me after realizing my life is passing as quickly as the clouds and I am still here. Sitting. Waiting for something to change all while not know what I truly want.
There are times where my mind opens to the creative pathways that are so often blocked and my actual creativity is standing right there like I could reach out and touch it- right at the end of the path and inspiration fills my entire soul. It's like new life to me. It's purpose. It's meaning.
But, as quickly as it comes to me... it's gone. My creativity is suppressed by the routine, the same seat, window and hours that go by. The ideas vanish...
The inspiration has faded and the hopeless panic starts again. The pathway closes and my creativity fades into the darkness of my mind. Truly lost.
A vicious cycle. It has teeth. Those teeth bear down on my heart threatening to send me into a downward spiral towards the death of my creativity. Smothered and twitching it lays there...hopeless and unable to believe it will ever see the light of day again. My poor creativity...gone.
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