The Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect

If you have never heard of the butterfly effect, please click the link above and read about it. 

but·ter·fly ef·fect

noun

1. 1.

   (with reference to chaos theory) the phenomenon whereby a minute localized change in a complex system can have large effects elsewhere.

      I shot twice today. The first shoot my boyfriend was kind enough to ride down to north park with me, I'll explain at the end of the post...

The second shoot was last minute and turned out much better. It was a bit dark down there but it turned out just as I pictured it.  I has a dry spell lately because of the pressure of the gallery coming in January.  I guess I could use old photos but I really wanted some new ones!

       I went into the basement shot this photo and started to get a million ideas on photos. I guess that's what I'll have to do more often instead of sitting around and racking my brain. I'll just pick up my camera and take it somewhere that I think looks like a good location. In this case it was the basement over the pretty snow covered lake of north park. I guess it's just how I have been feeling lately!         I partly have the problem of procrastination under high amounts of stress.  

I am so glad the boyfriend helps me out. He helps me focus the camera by being the subject then holds my coat or cleans off goose poop from my hands... haha. The first shoot had lots of goose poop on the location and of course- I am the one to put my hands in it...

 Here is a quick before and after

 and us having some fun

 and me putting Brian to work...

 He's very loved...

 as you can see by my face, I was not happy with this shoot....

It just didn't feel right. I guess I'm sick of shooting outside in the cold and YES I WAS FREEZING DURING IT! I was really bummed because I felt like it was total waste and then I decided to shoot indoors and in the basement so I guess it was meant to be!

and this is how I got goose poop on my hands, picking up my fake feathers- North Park is great if you don't mind stepping in poo everywhere you go. I mean everywhere- One even wandered into one of my photos!!!!!!!!!!!! 

damn geese. 

     Anyways, I'm really nervous about getting all my Christmas stuff together- I am making all my gifts this year which was not a good idea with the gallery coming and me having a creative block...

but- it is what it is and I'm determined to get it all done! I really hope to clean up the apartment tomorrow and get out some Christmas decorations and put my to-do list aside for a day.  I want to spend time with Brian and Chance, drink some hot coco or lots of coffee and decorate! 

     I'm so lucky that my Mom and Dad were so willing to watch the doggie this weekend to let me have some space around the apartment. They are the best! Tho, I do miss him around and my Mom doesn't want to give him back.  If she had it her way, she'd keep him!

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

The gallery will be January 11th we are just trying to decide on a time for the opening! Please check back for updates! 

<3Shannon

They are the definition of Art to me!

Thanksgiving

     We split up our time with families during holidays- our families have not really met each other yet. It's actually difficult to get them together... I'm not sure why though... ANYWAYS, 
This is some bits from Thanksgiving- I forgot my camera again when I was rushing out the door-AGAIN so I have to settle for some cell phone photos- AGAIN... (side note: I'm making myself a sign on the back of my door that will read, "Don't forget to take me with you, - Forever Yours, Camera." Seriously, I'm doing it."   P.s. I also came up with a new photo idea to shoot this weekend for the January gallery! YAY!

This is Bri and I after a nice big Thanksgiving meal at his Sister and Brother in Laws house! They deep fry their turkey- (photo courtsey of Mike, the Brother in Law)

 My handsome man:

 

It is so nice to be able to dress up since I don't do it for work everyday. It felt nice to do my hair and makeup and wear a dress for once!

 

I can't have a post without my little furry son <3:

 My mom after dinner - we came to visit and stayed till Midnight- I am pooped out today and working a nice full busy day of dealing with hearing aids!

 To end this post though, It's official that I lost 17lbs so far and I have 7lbs more till I meet my GOAL! I'd still like to tone up a bit but I am so close! I wanted to show you guys that if you want something, don't let anyone tell you differently- This was yesterday- It's been the least I have weighed in a few years and I'm very proud of myself- I am so Thankful for my family and friends who have supported me. I did notice that people will gladly tell you that you are gaining weight but no one tells you when you lose it.  It's kinda silly.

- Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving <3

<3Shannon

Obesssive Compulsive Disorder

It's amazing HOW much I understand this poem:
                             
     Basically you obsess so much in your mind you have to do things (compulsions) to relieve the thoughts.  I have suffered from OCD for many MANY years of my life. I have had my ups and my downs. I have my "faults" like everyone else and when my life is out of control with things that are out of my hands, my brain tries to control the things that I can.  This includes washing my hands until they bleed, checking to make sure things are turned off, taking off my coat five times to hang it up because I didn't like how I took it off first.  I hate chemicals or lighting candles because some kind of catastrophe will happen if I forget to blow it out or if I get it on my skin.  I think of the worst outcome and think of disasters if I don't do things perfectly. I repeat things over and over until my brain tells me that it's okay to move on.  It's a horrible disease.  Sometimes, I think I am crazy.
     I recently purchased a notebook to write the things down in my head that I am always afraid I will forget. Kind of a to-do list- People do that- Lots of people, RIGHT!? Well- this notebook is becoming a procedure manual for my life and more of an anxiety, stress giver to me. I try so many things and I am willing to keep trying without medication. 
    I took medication a few times in my life and I am not the kind of person to mask who I really am (this is just my opinion, I support people who decide to use medication).  I do not like medication for me. I am a zombie.  It made me the most depressed I have ever been and I didn't feel anything for life at that time.  I have tried several, different doses and brands. I'm done with it- the occasional xanax is best for me- TAKE WHEN NEEDED and I take it when I feel like the panic attacks are just about to rip out my heart and I'm going to scream and cry until I drown myself in my own tears.  The xanax gives me a few hours of silence in my head instead of the thoughts- "I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS, I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS, I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS." 
    Yes, I also did counseling- lets not go there.... 

     This is an ongoing battle for me. I work in an ENT office and deal with ear wax daily, germs, sick people. I have a love hate relationship with my job. I love helping people, but the germs. THE GERMS. (I can't wait to get out of the medical field)  I wear gloves to do everything at work- I have my own supply. I don't like touching hearing aids without gloves though lots of my co-workers do and I AM THE MAIN person in the department that has to work with the hearing aids. I AM THE AUDIOLOGY TECHNICIAN! THAT IS THE MAIN PART OF MY JOB!  I sometimes get worried that there is earwax on my shoes or pants or... yea I know, it sounds sick.  Well, welcome to OCD!
      Some days I deal better than others. It's hard to describe how and what I feel when I am going through all of this but I don't expect people to truly understand. 
      I'm a true germ-a-phoebe and need the feeling of being clean.  Certain things bother me and I can not tell others why- It just DOES.
    One of the other main things I deal with is organization. If things are in the right place or if someone moves something or if I can't clean out a closet or it seems out of order to me, I HAVE TO ORGANIZE IT- I have a list of things to organize.  Perfectionism partly?
     The hardest part is that when you have OCD, you know how STUPID it all is. How much you SHOULD NOT worry and do these routines, compulsions and obsessions.  You realize that it takes up a ridiculous amount of time but then if I do not do them, I get anxiety, panic attacks, PURE PANIC ATTACKS. - Panic attacks make you feel like you are dying, unable to breathe, heart pounding, dizzy, my hands shake.  I avoid the panic attacks by doing the routines and compulsions. I do this to avoid the anxiety but end up giving myself anxiety with the compulsions that I know I shouldn't worry about. It's a sick circle. I can't JUST STOP.
      I am just glad for the people in my life who stick by me accept who I am and these goofy things. The people that don't accept it, can go &#%$ themselves.  I don't expect understanding of me or my "flaws" but I do expect to be treated normal and accepted for the things I do.
   I am trying new things everyday but it is an everyday battle. Life. It's hard. No one said it would be easy..... 
      This video hit home and I may have just rambled (I just realized how hard it is to explain OCD) and made myself sound like a psycho but who cares. ;) it's me, it's who I am! :

 Link:  READ HERE  

 - The photo below shoes how you can only control a small portion of things in your life and the rest is out of your hands- This photo represents my OCD perfectly! I'm very happy with out it turned out!

<3 Thanks for reading
Shannon 

17 lb update!

I titled the below photo before and now because I am not at after yet! YET! SO CLOSE!

 New running shoes- Mine were from high school and were way over due for retirement- this motivated me to run for sure!

 Plus living by North Park helped! 

 Lemon water and better eats made a huge difference for me! 

and I couldn't have done with without this guy! 

I know I'm not at my goal yet, but I am determined to get there!

You can see on the sidebar external links that there is a page for happy healthy you blog- you can find some of my posts there on my lifestyle change though I have been slow with updates on that blog.  

It's official I have lost 17lbs since I decided to have a change.  I am 5'3" and I weighed 160lbs. I am now down to 142lbs! If I make my goal of 130-135 I get to buy myself this beauty of a dress:

THIS DRESS

and I will make the boyfriend take me somewhere I can wear it! But I'm almost there with some toning and I will be able to buy that! 

I am feeling much better about what I wear and how I perceive myself. I don't care how others think of me, it only matters that I am happy with who I am! So- I hope to inspire some of you to do the same- whatever the lifestyle change may be- weight, jobs, home life, etc!  I just hope you all find the place where you are happy with you! Happy healthy you!  
Now one more thing I have to work on is my OCD.... but we will save that for a different blog post! That deserves it's own post for sure! haha! <3 Much love and thanks to all that have supported me on this journey!

Chance

Some old photos of him I came across and had to upload! 

Please click on the link below! I was featured on Cuded!

Cuded!

Blog Post!

Had an awesome little blog post of my photos done by a fellow flickr member! Please stop by, vote, take a look! <3  LINK

She has some awesome work of her own to check out! Here

Yay and Thank you Maria!

Take me back to the sea

     

    Totally inspired by my boyfriend. He is a Navy Vet and always seems to impress me with everything he does! I wanted to do something with the sail boat that my Dad had and it just fit together so perfectly!

      Life has been insane. Why can't I truly find who I am? Why is my life taking so long to fall into place?! I'm still stuck. Trying to find my way- kind of like a boat lost at sea. I have been having more than normal panic attacks and really want to take a new path in life.

     This photo was planned to shoot today but it did change locations a couple of times in my head and when I got to this one, I had forgotten the boat- THE MAIN PROP at home! I had to leave and come back with limited sunlight to shoot in! This is how cluttered and stressed my mind has truly been!

     Thank  goodness my boyfriend was a great sport and modeled ever so perfectly and even helped toss some water in the photo! <3 What would I do without him - I'm so glad he supports my passion, even if the other things in my life are a bit crazy. CRAZY. REALLY CRAZY! I can't believe he puts up with what he does from me!

     I am learning that life doesn't care about your plans and it's gonna take you where it wants even when you work extra hard to change things.

<3 dedicated to the boyfriend- I think this will be another photo I put in the gallery in January!

Here are some behind the scenes: 

                                                            Before
                                       

Water added

                                                            expanded

                                           TOTAL BEFORE AND AFTER!

Awesome water shot

Brian with Maddie

For Fun! <3

I tell him not to laugh.... 

This is the look I get after that.


Whom ever reads all of this- THANK YOU! <3